After A While

Day 12

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Today I found this old book that a friend had given me once upon a time,

and it has ultimately led to self reflection.

Doesn't everything at this point?

Anyhow,

Looking back on how time flies and one thing remains the same,

my love for poetry.

Here's is one of my favorite poems, send me some of your favorites please!!

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After A While 
   ©1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall 

After a while you learn 
the subtle difference between 
holding a hand and chaining a soul 
and you learn 
that love doesn't mean leaning 
and company doesn't always mean security. 
And you begin to learn 
that kisses aren't contracts 
and presents aren't promises 
and you begin to accept your defeats 
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, 
not the grief of a child 
and you learn 
to build all your roads on today 
because tomorrow's ground is 
too uncertain for plans 
and futures have a way of falling down 
in mid-flight. 
After a while you learn 
that even sunshine burns 
if you get too much 
so you plant your own garden 
and decorate your own soul 
instead of waiting for someone 
to bring you flowers. 
And you learn that you really can endure 
you really are strong 
you really do have worth 
and you learn 
and you learn 
with every goodbye, you learn...

Usually My Nightmare, Not This Time !

Day 11

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Small Moment.

But an oddly big one for me.

My cousin is getting married this October,

and I don't think I could possibly be more excited for her.

We went bridesmaid shopping today,

which usually is my worst nightmare.

Shopping....and dresses....good lord.

But it was actually an amazing morning.

Like, for me, this morning was one for the books.

AND

My cousin's look that she is aiming for....

my God I almost melted!

So classic,

beautiful,

stunning.

My heart radiates every time I think about it.

I love my family.

Good Morning World

Day 10

"In order to become who you want to be,

you must already believe that you are that person."

--Jamie Pinder

A few months ago I partook in an all-female bodybuilding event.

At this event were women from all walks of life;

bodybuilders,

bikini competitors,

strongman competitors,

diet specialists,

small business owners,

clothing designers,

social media celebrities,

college students,

everyone and anyone.

This event was designed for any women who wanted more.

And oh, did we want more.

We were chomping at the bit, 

soaking up every drop of advice and inspiration.

Now, today I sit reflecting on my experience at this event.

I've had more time to resonate on the information I learned.

I've mulled it over day-to-day and week-to-week.

I've dissected it to find out what feeds this memory flame.

I'm not selfish.

I'm not lazy,

I'm not a faker.

I'm not a cheater.

I'm not a liar.

I'm not a one-upper.

But, I do want more.

Maybe that's why I remain happily trapped in the vicious cycle that is lifting.

I want to be healthier.

Smarter.

More efficient.

More successful.

More multidimensional and diverse.

More helpful.

Kinder.

Softer.

More honest.

More raw.

...

More.

I want more.

I want more of me.

I want more of life.

I want more of happiness.

This is all in my control.

I am both the lion and the tamer.

I am the lotus and the mud.

I am the sun and the moon.

I am who I want to be already.

I am just beginning now to emerge into the light.

Good morning world.

#throwbackthursday

Day 9

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First things first, just because social media has supported and invented #throwbackthursday doesn't take away the importance of self reflection. Whether it's in a journal, in a coffee shop with a friend, or on social media… Self reflection is key to growth and self love, regardless of hashtags!

#throwbackthursday

Three years ago I was living with such fire in my eyes, with such a chip on my shoulder, and with such determination that I was convinced I could conquer the world if I put the work in. That mentality has stuck with me in every journey that I set into motion. Now, it wasn't a sense of empowerment that Strongman gave me. It wasn't a sense of "girls can do anything". It wasn't a sense of being stronger than everybody.

It was about shattering glass ceilings.

Not the type that normal standards and social settings have set for us, but my own glass ceilings, my own ability to self limit myself. Strongman showed me to have faith in myself, in my body, and to always test the limits. One of my favorite quotes loosely states, "what a shame it would be for a human to grow old without seeing the potential of its own body", and Strongman allowed me to do that. No one can tell me what I can and cannot do, including my own mind.

This picture is not the most flattering or glamorous, but it captures a pivotal moment in my life. At this particular competition I was the last person to do every event, which meant I had the advantage of watching what every other girl did and rising to those standards. This was a moment where I learned the difference between being tired and being done. I watched as all the girls went 100 feet, 200 feet, 300 feet and dropped it when they were tired. Drop it perfectly at the starting point, setting it up for the next athlete. Drop it and walk away as they shook their heads in disappointment. Drop it at the half way point and raise there arms in victory as they surpassed their own expectations. I watched as the pattern arose, these competitors putting their best foot forward, step after step, letting their mind and body battle it out until they drop that sandbag.

When it was my turn the world faded away, as it always does when I compete in any sport. It's just me, and that moment, and that task… That's always how I walk into these settings. I picked up the sandbag and began, unknowingly, to change in my own life. I set foot after foot, breath after breath, regripping the sandbag and hugging it tightly to my body as if it's all I had. I begin to get tired, my legs started to cramp, my back started to burn, my lungs begin getting tighter with the cold air and forced breathing.

But I kept pushing.

My arms begin to get tired, my neck becoming stiff with fatigue, my feet start forgetting what their job is. But I kept pushing. Until I failed. Why did I drop that sandbag? It wasn't because I was tired. It wasn't because my body hurt. It wasn't because my brain told me, "OK you've done enough". It wasn't because of any of that. It's because my mind and body pushed hard, too hard, to the point where they both reached the highest level of effort and exhaustion and they both failed at the same time. That was a moment of enlightenment for me. I didn't drop the bag, I dropped my entire body and my thoughts all in a heap on the cold grass. My shoulder blades were dislocating, my body was numb, I began coughing and continued to cough up blood for a week. It's hard to draw this moment into words, which is why I have not written about it until now. It is still hard to find the words for it.

Imagine my mind and my body as a bear and a lion, standing strong and tall and their pride and strength and battling it out, claw after claw and bite after bite. They begin to slow down, breathing heavy and giving it all they've got until.... at the same moment they make eye contact with heavy breathing, and just stop. They did all they could and they both knew that, satisfied in their abilities and efforts, and they bowed to each other and collapse in exhaustion.

Perfect, painful harmony.

My own glass ceiling, shattered by myself.

By my stubbornness to never give in.

Retrospect is a ...

Day 8

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Retrospect is a waste.
A big one.

We spend a good portion of our lives imagining what life should be like,
Planning the next few days, months, and years of our dream world,
Creating what we think the world needs more of,
Building our resumes instead of our souls.

Gary Vaynerchuk set aside a portion of his Vlog to really dig into it,
and sums it up simply and elegantly...
"Document, don't create".

Spend your life living passionately,
documenting every step and struggle along the way.
Because social media is only impressed with outcomes,
but we become deeply inspired by the journeys taken to succeed.
Embrace the process, embrace the hustle, and embrace the struggle.

"It's action. It's going. It's doing."

Along the same topic,

Jewel Kilchner touches upon this "phenomenon" in her book,

 "Never Broken: songs are only half the story".

She struggled throughout her entire childhood and life,

yet she journaled and documented every emotion,

every event, and every memory along the way.

Using these journals, she was able to track herself.

Her thoughts, her patterns, her own strengths and weaknesses.

It was through documentation that she was, years later, able to create herself.

"They gave me a breadcrumb trail back to my most authentic and whole self"

(Jewel on her journals and self reflection)

So my point is that we should embrace the journey, focus on the starting and the doing.

Fair-Weather Relationships

Day 7

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We've all had that one friend, right?

The friend that is only around because it benefits them.

They have to get something out of it.

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I was thinking, 

it would be awfully nice to be the "fair-weather friend"

instead of the selfless friend sometimes.

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Then I thought some more...

because that's how my brain functions...

it never stops...

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What if we made the conscious decision to be the 

fair-weather friend in some of our relationships?

Including the relationship between what we put in and on our body!

I'm going to be selfish from now on!

I'm only going to put the good into my body.

I'm going to put the good on my body!

Here we gooooooo,

my health game is going to be so strong!

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There's this one company that I found and am researching that can help me do this!

Around for 35 years.

WILL ONLY MAKE A PRODUCT IF IT BENEFITS THE HUMAN BODY.

How cool is that, seriously.

Nailpolish?

Nope...they can't make it benefit someone.

Hair care?

Yep.

Skin care?

Yep.

Nutrition line?

Yep.

Male and Female?

Yep.

I'm going to start researching it more and trying the products, let me know if you have ever heard of it and give me some insight!

A Wrinkle In....Technology?

Day 6

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"There are lots of us that have learned to engage in technology and use it to maximize, but there are lots of people that use to technology to disengage, to be harmful to themselves and to other people."

--Tony Robbins

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Technology is like a shirt. 

Weird...stick with me here.

Technology is like a shirt.

You can dress it up.

You can dress it down.

You can iron it to look impeccable.

You can let it wrinkle.

You can stain it with food.

You can mask it's dirtiness with cologne or perfume.

You can decorate it with a tie.

You can cut the sleeves off and turn heads.

You can tie it up around your waist to catch eyes.

You can make it a Halloween costume.

You can make it the designated yardwork shirt.

You can model in it.

You can hang it up and never wear it again.

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Can't you say the same things about technology?

Technology can be used or abused.
You can tap into this resource and maximize your life.
You can ignore it's existence and let it sit on the shelf, unused.

Either way, technology is what you make of it. 

So pretend you're a super hero...

are you using it for good or for evil?