When Waves Crash

Day 5

_____________________________

Some people live as though life is a body of water,

untouched, smooth as glass, 

with occasional stones and pebbles tossed in,

counting the ripples that meet the shore's edge,

waiting for the lull of peaceful stillness to return.

Man, that sounds nice... but unfamiliar. That's not me. Nope.

My life is like an ocean,

vast, full of possibility,

depths known by no person,

pulled between moods like tides are pulled between shores,

undertows pulling you in at the last moment,

but when the skies open,

the sun warms your face and you smile,

because surviving the darkness isn't the end,

it's the beginning.

_____________________________

In the Shadows

Day 4

____________________________________________

Today I became certified in Mental Health First Aid.

Which sounds cool and fancy.

It sounds nice to put on a resume.

But Dear Lord....it was far from simple.

Mental Health is underestimated and in the shadows.

But one thing stuck with me above all else.

It will be tricky to put into words,

as I am a more passionate speaker then writer.

When you think of Schizophrenia, what are some negative terms usually associated with that person?

crazy, loose cannon, off there rocker, delusional, cray cray,

ridiculous, out of control, unstable

When you think of Anxiety, what are some negative terms usually associated with that person?

unstable, nervous, paranoid, can't handle anything,

caves under pressure, their own fault, scary

When you think of Depression, what are some negative terms usually associated with that person?

sad, nervous, unsocial, lazy, won't get anything done,

annoying, just pick yourself up, you have no reason to be sad

Now, when you think of Cancer, what are some negative terms usually associated with that person?

....they are just a victim...

____________________________________________

Think about it.

The symptoms of each illness above can have similar affects on a person.

It affects there mood, energy levels, ability to got o work, ability to socialize, everything.

So why then do we treat mental illnesses differently than any other illness?

It's an illness, isn't it?

These people are human, aren't they?

We need to start treating every and any illness with compassionate words and actions,

not stigmas and stereotypes.

As the old and cliche quote goes,

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you do not know about"

Treat each person you meet with a kind heart, listening ears, open eyes, and an understanding soul.

\

** Pardon My French **

Day 3

____________________________________________

** Warning **

I swear like a trucker.

You will get a small dose of that here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Don't say I offended you.

Ye' Be Warned !

____________________________________________

As a child, I never put thought into how people viewed me and my actions.

As a teenager, I said I didn't care....but you better believe I did.

As a young adult, I cared...but chose to be blind and deaf to negativity.

Today, I am conflicted.

My body language to my peers is one of compassion.

My workouts are my own and approved by my doctors.

My style is an expression of comfort and simplicity.

My voice stays strong even when I feel weak.

...yes...I can be weak...just like everyone else...

My eyes stay focused on the future.

My mind stays steady in the present.

So why?

Why do I feel mad?

When people cast judgement and opinion, why do I care?

Why do I get defensive, with my shoulders up to my ears?

I think I have found the answer.

People cast judgment and opinion while self proclaiming it is "out of love". 

That they are "protecting me from myself".

That they "care" about me.

Pardon my French,

Bullshit.

You care about looking like a caring person.

You have no idea that your words and stares are tearing me apart on the inside.

All because "you care".

Bullshit.

If you really cared....you would get to know me as a human and a soul.

Not as a spectator.

You would then understand why I do what I do.

Only then would you answer, how I became who I am today.

Knowledge is power.

I dare you to get to know me,

and still stand strong to your "caring" judgments and words.

In the meantime,

I will be spending my time training my mind to let go of the effect you have on me.

Seeking Life

Day 2

___________________________________________________

Let's savior this moment of awareness and mindfulness.

SOL Purpose: Blogging a moment of your day.

Intents: Blog everyday.

Result: Being present in every moment.

___________________________________________________

When you are seeking moments of inspiration and depth, you are indulging in every experience and thought entirely. You no longer wait for life to fuel your fire. You seek the gasoline. And boy when that gasoline meets the lit match.... your mind becomes engulfed in flames. Inspiration can't be avoided at this point. You now live in the moment, you are present in your own life.

Take ownership of your mind.

Bring your mind home. 

___________________________________________________

I am no longer a passenger, I am the driver of my own life.

Are You Living Inside "Their" Box ?

Day 1

___________________________________________________

Bear with me here.

I'm trying to be profound.

Attempting to embrace the depth.

Really...just stretching the normal beyond my own comfort level.

I am a licensed teacher working as an Intervention tutor, guiding me to have seen both sides of the education realm. I have seen what management skills look like. I have seen what scripted lessons looks like. I have seen what one-on-one structured learning time can look like. I have seen what thriving students can look like. Alongside seeing what struggling students can look like. 

I will never dare to say I have seen it all, that would be boring and naive.

I always hope to know that there is something new and unknown around the corner.

But here I am, already getting off topic.

I promised myself that these Slice of Life entries would be streaming thought, and I am not sorry to those who decide to delve into such a strange place. Yes. I called my streaming thoughts "strange". I have nothing to hide. 

___________________________________________________

Let's start with small structures.

Morphology --> word formation --> Combine root, adjective, verb and/or noun

Sentence Structure --> Combine Noun Phrase, Prepositional Phrase, Article, etc.

Paragraph Structure --> Combine Introduction, Main Ideas, Concluding sentence, etc.

Essay Structure --> Introduction, Body Paragraphs, Conclusion Paragraphs

___________________________________________________

Now societal structures...

Beauty --> Combination of body type, skin color, facial features, weight, etc.

Intelligence --> Combination of data, events, memorization, recall abilities, etc.

Success --> Combination of money and material things you can own

Language --> Organized system of sounds that have to make sense to someone

___________________________________________________

And so we have entered my strange and structure-less thoughts...

No template. No rubric. No graphic organizer. No rules. 

Beauty --> Combination of the things they are proud of

Intelligence --> Combination of the things people are passionate enough to study

Success --> Combination of the things that make us feel fulfilled

Language --> Combination of the body and mind that communicate our own truths

Life --> Combination of what happens to you and how you react

Soul --> Combination of lifetimes and lessons we carry with us

Mind --> Combination of the natural thoughts and ability to expand everything

Dreams --> Combination of everything. Everything.

___________________________________________________

What would happen if you abandoned the structures that society set for us?

Would you still chase the American Dream?

Would you still work that desk job?

Would you still buy that new iPhone?

Would you still be who you are in this very moment?

Forgotten

"The practice of not harming others can be divided into two: 

first, to refrain from harming others; 

and second, to benefit them and work for their welfare."

________________________

___________

I always talk about things happening for a reason, 

the universe having its plan for you, 

divine intervention. 

It's always been a thing that I said and believed, 

but never delved into and researched.

Today Marlo and I were out and about, adventuring the town with the windows down and spending a little time making friends and sharing the love. On our way home I had plans to go to a state park or two, really get to explore the world on my day off. My mind was thinking about conversations from yesterday, possibilities of tomorrow, and for no reason at all I slammed on my brakes and took a left turn. 

I knew exactly where I was, but haven't thought about this place in years and years. I pulled into my old home, my first home. Now, I have been blessed to have only moved once in my life and to always have been near family and felt a sense of home and safety. Marlo and I got out of the car at the restriction barriers, heading into my old neighborhood and into memory lane. 

I've read lots of books, lots of documentaries, and I've read of pain and struggles of war. But today I walked into my neighborhood and I saw what true abandonment look like.  The neighborhood was owned by the state, and still is owned by the state. Yet, every window is shattered and smashed in. Every door is boarded up. My old home has a tree in its garage now. The hydrangea bushes in my backyard have now become trees. 

My childhood has been slowly decaying over the years, without notice from anyone. My entire neighborhood is boarded up, forgotten, abandoned and it's hard to find the words to explain what seeing that is like. It got me thinking, most people are lucky that they can go visit their old home and their childhood and see other people in it. Filling that same home with laughter and happiness and memories. 

Now, I'm not trying to wallow in self-pity or give myself a sad moment. I can't even imagine those whose homes have been ruined by war, the refugees we don't have a home, and the veterans who come home to nothing. I will never sit here and be the one to say "woe is me". 

But it makes you think, of all the homes that are abandoned and neighborhoods that are forgotten… Why can't we do something? Why can't we fix them up? Why can't we turn them into homes for our soldiers who come home heroes, but homeless. Why can't we fix them up and give them to women shelters and orphanages, give them something true, safe, a home where they see what life can really be like outside of those situations. 

Why can't we do more?

Beautiful Rubble

Feeling a ping of regret today.

While in Haiti I kept a journal of all the things I was feeling, seeing, learning, and experiencing.

This morning, while in a burst of unexpected morning motivation, I began trying to find said journal.

Unfortunately, it has disappeared.

Which both breaks my heart,

but is also simultaneously opening my heart to really, truly, and deeply reflect on my memories and experiences. 

Words will never suffice to the things I saw.

The things I heard.

The things I lived through.

But maybe poetry can help me find peace in these memories.

"I make a conscious effort to be a messenger of love,

to everyone I come into contact with."

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than a person who has nothing to eat."

"Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow."

"It is a bittersweet thing,
knowing two cultures.
Once you leave your birthplace,
nothing es ever the same."

"Souls recognize each other by vibes,
not appearance."

"...and then I fell apart,
and it was the most beautiful moment ever,
because right then,
I realized that I can put the pieces back together
the way I wanted them to be."

"It is both a blessing,
and a curse,
to feel everything,
So very deeply."

"Let all that you do,
be done in love."